


The Three Cups of Sake We Could No Longer Exchange

by orphan_account



Series: Love is a Hurricane [1]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Grief, I don't even know anymore, M/M, Mild Angst, Regret, ace just come back, lowercase intended, oda better revive ace or else, sabo crying over ace's death of course, someone please give sabo a hug, somewhere in the dressrosa arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:41:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27891709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Sabo finally had the courage to visit ace's grave. there were a lot of things he did during his stay: exchange a cup of sake leaving the other cup untouched, exchange words of gratitude and apologies, maybe some storytelling to tell what happened to him after he was gone for years, and most importantly, exchange words of regret and longing.
Relationships: ASL Brothers - Relationship, Monkey D. Luffy & Sabo & Portgas D. Ace, Portgas D. Ace/Sabo
Series: Love is a Hurricane [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2082090
Comments: 1
Kudos: 18





	The Three Cups of Sake We Could No Longer Exchange

**Author's Note:**

> heya! i still haven't finished watching one piece yet and i just started dressrosa arc but got spoiled that sabo would meet luffy again so i made this. saw a clip where sabo actually visited ace's grave but it was short and i wanted to put on more details. i'm sorry if there are some misleading infos here like the characters' personalities so if you spotted one feel free to kindly correct me.

it had been an exact two weeks after sabo regained his memory back, although it wasn't as simple and pleasing as it may seem to remember a brother he'd never seen after two years, and will never in the future— he was still in distraught upon seeing the face of his brother he exchanged sake with, along with their baby brother luffy, on the newspaper announcing that he was dead.

when luffy made such effort and risk to bring him back, it may appear as if everything was caught on naught— and maybe it would have been better if he remembered earlier to at least offer some help so luffy wouldn't have to go through such hell and trauma anymore. but no, it was the total opposite, the thing he actually hated and was most frustrated about, because the only way he could reach out to him and remember him is seeing his already cold and destructed body laid down the premises of the navy headquarters, and seeing people actually joy over his death— there's nothing such more unnerving.

well, it was already done, and there's nothing that could be done to bring back what's lost anymore. although sabo's condition has gotten better after the devilish weeks of delayed despair, sabo still had not decided to show up in front of luffy's face and apologize for not being there when he needed the absolute most help. and today was the day the blonde haired actually decided to visit ace's grave, having to hear the exact location from one of the members of the revolutionary— the least he could do is try to catch up what's been left after all these years of disappearance, and maybe a proof that he was alive and their speculations were wrong from the start.

"oh, you going now, sabo?" koala gleamed as she meandered towards the male that was getting his backpack settle on his back for a more comfortable travel, before confronting the female with a simple nod. "did you bring enough food?"

there it is, another motherly gesture of hers. the blonde male could barely resist to heave a chuckle in response upon witnessing that natural demeanor of hers, and maybe it was safe to say that it was a nice way to greet someone a bon voyage. "yes, i did. i'll be going now! i can't disturb dragon-san as of the moment so could you please inform him that i've already left the place? i'd be back when time gets easy."

it was an excuse, it wasn't really like that at all. despite being a lot thankful for all the handful efforts dragon had offered to the revolutionary, and the same goes to him, sabo just couldn't really guarantee his peaceful journey if he tried to appear in front of his eyes and excuse himself to go. surely that wouldn't happen, certainly— because he'd be forced to stay inside the quarters before he could even reach ace, and that was the opposite thing to what he needed to do. koala could only furrow her brows in distress before sighing like it was completely normal, breaking through the male's facade but would rather let it slide for his favor before flashing him a smile. its fine, it was something sabo dreamt and needed after a long time of lament— she sure need to respect sabo's decision to meet him right after weeks of knowing the situation during the war of the best from the newspaper. if he was the one who declared it then she shouldn't even worry.

"fine, fine. but you better hurry up before dragon-san come back, okay?" koala patted the male's shoulder as a reassurance, but actually appeared as more of a threat that made goosebumps creep in. however, sabo could no longer pay much attention, waving to the other upon stepping away from the building he was in.

* * *

"eh. this sure is a nice place to rest to, ace," sabo wandered around the area as he placed his backpack on the ground, eyes still scanning the surrounding that appeared to be quite ethereal. it was peaceful, like a paradise— totally opposite to the way of surroundings he was usually exposed in. far from all the chaos, the riot— because it was more of like heaven, flowers painting the viridescent grass as it should be; it was something fitted for both legends like the both of them.

surely, it was too early to cry. but never did sabo expect to reunite with his brother again by standing right in front of his grave, unable to see him just like all the years he'd spent on looking. if he would have known even a little, or maybe if it could be, much more early to save him from his fate in marineford, would he still be able to see and touch him again? to hug him and exchange words of gratitude, and maybe argue and fight to determine who's stronger, will he be able to do that with him again?

if he was a little early, can he save him from death?

these thoughts were daunting, it was so scary that it came haunting him again with regret. and he shouldn't— just.. maybe not in front of ace's grave, because he promised not to bring such emotions along with him because that isn't something ace would even like. if he were to appear standing in front of him, seeing him cry just like luffy he would be labeled as a crybaby. and that wasn't even his role, it was luffy's— the younger male would probably even whine in frustration upon knowing that his older brother stole the role he's good at ever since.

apparently, sabo couldn't help but chuckle bitterly at the thought. there were lots of memories he could recall when they were still children, albeit not seeing each other for a decade and unable to see each other grow made it quite a shame. it was something sabo wanted to witness— to become a full grown pirate and make their name known to the world. unfortunately, he stumbled upon the revolutionary.

sabo quietly sat down the ground to reveal the inside of his backpack. a few packed bentos that maybe koala had prepared and placed down on it, and a bottle of sake sabo was obviously familiar with as he plastered up a sly smile. "ace! isn't this your favorite sake? i brought it here for you!" he exclaimed, as if trying to lure him out to appear like it was a miracle when it doesn't really work like that.

and he knew, there was no way a dead person would appear right in front of him. he buried that fact down to himself already and he was only trykng to communicate with him like he was there, right in front of him— and he could clearly picture out his face. the way he dresses, his hat up on his head and that smile he knew so well that it doesn't even fail to amuse and assure him— it felt real, and he felt like ace was actually listening to him all this time.

"you better not tell me this isn't your favorite anymore—" sabo declared while opening the bottle before halting as he tried to decipher what he had just said. something was wrong, as far as he could remember, before realizing what he'd declare so confidently about would appear as the wrong accusation. "but. hmm, i don't recall seeing you drink sake so much when we were young.."

a few more processing to get through details and identify sabo's reminiscing limit. he just couldn't really find evidence because the only thing he could remember ace drink sake was when they exchanged cups to establish their brotherhood. and that was the answer sabo was actually looking for, and he could only laugh at his stupidity as of the moment.

"well, forget it. this was still the same sake we drank when we were young!" sabo tried to cover it up with another beam, but he just couldn't shrug the thought of rue. it felt so wrong to say, and he felt sorry— all the years when he was gone, he could no longer know ace's change of preference. maybe if remembered early, he could still spend some days and get to know him even better.

silence.

"i'm sorry for being away for too long, ace."

sabo finally started as lament take over him, grief— there was something he couldn't hide from the way his voice would somehow crack without his intention. he was grateful that no one he knew were to see him being so vulnerable. and even to ace, who he knew was actually listening and watching over him— that guy never wanted to see anyone cry because of him, and sabo couldn't help but disobey and do it because there's nothing he could do to suppress his regret.

"i'm sorry if i wasn't there when we promised to sail when we turn seventeen," sabo's tears didn't fall as of the moment, but his heart was crying all this time. the people he surrounded himself to, the people in the revolutionary— they were all strong. and somehow they looked up to him as a brave figure, someone to be adored of as he climbed up through the ranks. and showing tears shouldn't even be shed in the first place, as it was the first to symbolize weakness. so after all these time, he tried so hard not to cry and show how vulnerable he is upon the lost of his brother he longed for so many years to remember.

"i wanted to be there when you actually needed help.." the blonde paused as he sniffed, cracks making its way towards his sentences as a strong proof of mourn. "..because there are things that you can't just settle things by your own, ace."

_he tried so hard._

"seriously. what have you gotten yourself into when i'm gone?" trying to cover up with the urge to burst and cry right in front of the tombstone with his name engraved, sabo took a drink on the cup of sake as the other remained idle. "i didn't even know you were under such a big shot pirate, and even got yourself some trouble with teach." sabo tightly gripped the empty cup as frustration started filling up, uncontrolled as those names he remembered continued to boil up his anger. and even if ace would proudly say how he got stronger from the hands of such an infamous pirate, and even got to fight one of the most vicious and avoided pirate out there like it was something to develop pride, he still won't agree with it. not when he knows it will be the reason to his demise, his downfall— and if he'd slip away from his hands, he'll never forgive.

"i can't blame you."

sabo tried to lower his voice as he stared down the viridescent ground, unable to watch his tombstone any longer because it only caused him terror. he just.. couldn't accept it. not yet. when he actually thought he was able to move on a little and pull an attempt to see him to think that he was okay even though he was nowhere near to feeling that way yet.

"but you should have waited more longer before we could finally see each other again, ace!" sabo's tears finally fell like a waterfall, unable to end it by mere, desperate wiping when he could no longer hold it anymore. at least, it was longer than he expected it to be. "unfortunately, i lost my memories and i couldn't remember anything about our brotherhood and i'm—"

"...sorry. it took me so long to remember."

_it broke him, the moment he said that._

"i happen to remember you when i saw you dead on the newspaper and," sabo paused for a moment, unable to contain his regret as tears continued the urge to fall, his lower lip almost bleeding in sanguine due to how much he's trying to bite. "that isn't the way i wanted to reunite with you again! so please.."

sabo had quite a few more pauses before he would continue to go along with his sentence. it was because he struggled to breathe and proceed with a straight tone without having to worry about cracks that indicates grief and all the thoughts that he wanted to say after all those years of disappearance. he wasn't able to thank him yet, for at least making luffy to stay alive with him— or else he'd totally lose everything he had when he was given the opportunity to save him two years ago.

"can you appear in front of me? just one time, ace."

somehow that may appear as irrelevant. ace is dead, he could no longer see him appear in front of him like a living person. certainly, things don't go with his favor just like that. but if believing in fantasies would ease his pain, or if he could only see him in his dreams— he'd escape reality, he'd believe in imaginations as long as he could see him again.

sabo doesn't know if what he was saying was the real deal. because just when he could no longer suppress his sobs and stare at the uninteresting ground before a blinding light appeared at the corner of his eyes. it was coming from ace's grave, shining awfully bright that he couldn't see a thing when he looked up. and it took a minute before the light was dispersed, only to see ace appearing right in front of him like he was still alive. and no, how the hell could that even happen? the only thing sabo could even do was to widen his eyes as a proof of surprise and he had no idea what to say when he had a lot of things to utter right when ace is already in front of him. he was the same, as sabo noticed, but his body glowed even more that it might appear only as an illusion. because it is, it might probably just be a product of his own mind due to desperation, but he doesn't mind.

this was the thing he wished for, wasn't it? he wanted to see ace one more time, and now he's in front of him. he had no time to complain because he was already dead and nothing could change that fact. and if he may seem have the need to be scared and startled upon his sudden appearance, he never had the urge to feel as so. because its ace, enough to make him feel assured— this was the best thing he could come up with.

ace was smiling at him. and after all these years it didn't even change. it was the same stern yet sincere smile of his ever so familiar to him that he just couldn't help but smile back in gratitude in spite of tears flowing endlessly from his eyes.

_"you've grown so well, sabo."_

sabo couldn't help but sob once again upon hearing ace's voice. all this time he was only hearing the young ace's voice inside his head because that was the last thing he could only hear until he was shot by the celestial dragon. and now that he got to hear him say something again, it rang memories in his ears, and he couldn't help but cry upon hearing how mature it had gotten. it was a lot more deep, and stern of course, because it was something to be expected from him.

sabo knew he had to say something. but in between those sobs, he struggled to find the right timing despite knowing that it will only come a minute before ace would disappear from him again. cutting down all the most important details he had to say because there's no time. and he scurried, there's just so many things for him to say that he doesn't know where to actually start.

"i just wanted to see you so bad, ace."

that was the first thing he needed to say, because if he had to cut down all the things he wanted to say, it'd all arrive to that. he couldn't help but sniff in pain once again, hoping ace would stay a little bit longer so he would have longer chance to talk things with him just like what they usually do. 

_"well, i'm sort of surprised that you were alive. but you know, sabo.."_

sabo just had to look at him with blurry vision and he hated it, grimacing as he wiped his tears away to get a proper look to his brother he longed so long to even see. 

_"our little brother, luffy.. take care of him for me, 'kay?"_

that surely didn't help. because just by the thought of his little brother who went through such agonizing trauma upon seeing his older brother die in front of his eyes was enough for the regret sabo felt to double. seriously, why the hell did he not even remember as early as he could? why, when he was at utmost desperation, came to realize way too late? 

_"i want you to carry on for me."_

sabo fell into silence. _how selfish of him._ it may have seem, but the blonde male already knew so well just how much ace actually wanted luffy to be the greatest pirate. it may appear as if he was against him of being the pirate king, challenging him as a rival not until he met whitebeard— deep down inside, although never really said, ace wanted to see luffy achieve more of his dream. it was such a shame to be unable to see him reach to the top of his dreams and rule over the sea. 

_"next time, bring luffy here and let's exchange sake."_

"you fool, you're not even here with us anymore." 

that was rather painful to say, huh. 

_"help our precious baby brother to reach his dreams for me."_

"i will." 

_"you will. i'm counting on you, sabo."_

sabo thought it was too soon before he already noticed ace slowly tearing apart, slowly vanishing along with the wind with a smile on his face that speaks nothing but contentment yet regret. ace wanted to live, at that very moment, despite hating every inch of his existence and wondering if it was good that he was born. he found the answer, at that very moment, and knew that he lived without regrets. and now, the only thing he was worried of was luffy, but now that sabo is already here, he knew he would carry on for his sake. 

sabo's tears were a proof that he never really wanted to see ace leave again, for the damn second time. but the fact that he appeared right before him, hearing how his voice had actually hanged, was already enough for him. and even he still had a lot of things left for him to say, the fact that ace was slowly drifting away from his sight made it clear that he never had the time. 

just when ace was already out of his sight, sabo was enveloped with an overwhelming amount of silence. except for his sobs to be heard, regrets that wouldn't even die— he wanted to carry on because _he promised,_ at this day. and he had to send him off because that's how it should be. 

he should be disappearing from his sight, just like how it should be. 

even if a time come where he would be able to move on and finally the pain would subside, if there will be moments where he would be able to live the rest of his days with happiness— and if there are no goodbyes left for him to say and cry, no matter what, ace would always be there with him. and their brotherhood would never die, as ace told him to carry on like he should. 

yet somehow sabo had thought; that loneliness is, without doubt, the most _painful_ thing ever felt. 

"now then. always watch over us, ace." 

he had to go. 


End file.
